It was confusing and full of hummus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
