Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
