So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
