Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Enjoy the penises
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
