Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
