glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
