maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
