Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
