If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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