i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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