so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
