its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
