Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
