cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if only i could text you this smell
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
