Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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