i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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