That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Mom said you looked used
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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