Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There r osticjed everywhere
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
