Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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