I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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