remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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