Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just high enough for therapy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
