I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
