She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
