Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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