He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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