He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
