Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
