he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
high people should be assigned attendants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
