Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
