nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
