That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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