God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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