Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
love makes seman taste better
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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