U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
