the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Your penis caused this!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
