Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
