That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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