I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
