I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
