I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
