We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You can't special order awesome
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
