Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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