I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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