I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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