i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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