the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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