The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up under a house in Key West
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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