i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
