So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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