a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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