so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
