Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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